Monday, 16 February 2009

Reassurance from Tim and Jerry

Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins are the authors of the novel 'Left Behind', which is about the world after The Rapture. That long-awaited and now imminent event is when Christians will be gathered in a twinkling into the air to meet the Lord, leaving non-believers gobsmacked. Cars will slam into one another as drivers shoot up into the clouds. Surgeons will be flabbergasted as patients with their guts still gaping vanish from operating tables. Lunches will be left smouldering as pious housewives go hightailing it to Heaven. Airliners will come crashing to earth, cockpits untenanted, their born-again captains swooping upwards as the aircraft hurtle downward. Thus all God's lucky elect will have been plucked from the Earth before the reign of the Antichrist,  which is going to be rather nasty. Tim and Jerry, who ought to know, have recently issued a statement to reassure us that Obama, pace Fred Phelps and crew, is not in fact the Antichrist, as you might have been thinking, although they concede that the mistake is entirely understandable.

'I can see by the language he uses why people think he could be the Antichrist,' says LaHaye, 'but from my reading of scripture, he doesn't meet the criteria. There is no indication in the Bible that the Antichrist will be an American.'

Indeed. Nor is there any indication in the Bible that he will be Chinese, Australian or Eskimo. He won't be Scottish or Portuguese or come from Samoa, Papua New Guinea or Japan. He'll be none of these, but he will behave like he's a saviour. There now, we're really narrowing it down. Be vigilant. Maybe he's Jamie Oliver.


Fionnchú said...

If eternity's gals and guys are dressed like the Archies, I'm not sure if that's an incentive to renounce my wicked ways or not in hopes of a one-way ticket to the pearly gates.

Vilges Suola said...

I liked the pic, it's so 'let's appeal to the young'. I don't know where it comes from. Possible title for a Christers' campaign: 'Get your Tits out for Jesus'.


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