Go here to waste a bit of time finding out whose writing style some computer programme judges your own to resemble. (I found it on Salmagundi) I pasted a few posts from this blog into the Analyser and was not especially pleased with some of the verdicts. Three times the computer told me I wrote like H.P. Lovecraft, about whom I know nothing beyond the hatchet-job performed on him by Bo over at Mvtabilitie a while back, where this bit of overwrought twaddle from Lovecraft is excerpted:
The aperture was black with a darkness almost material. That tenebrousness was indeed a positive quality; for it obscured such parts of the inner walls as ought to have been revealed, and actually burst forth like smoke from its aeon-long imprisonment, visibly darkening the sun as it slunk away into the shrunken and gibbous sky on flapping membranous wings. The odour arising from the newly opened depths was intolerable, and at length the quick-eared Hawkins thought he heard a nasty, slopping sound down there. Everyone listened, and everyone was listening still when It lumbered slobberingly into sight and gropingly squeezed Its gelatinous green immensity through the black doorway into the tainted outside air of that poison city of madness.
WTF? Judge, gentle reader, to what mortifying abyss of darksome shame, to what stygian gloomihoods, what pitchy, tenebrific abhorrencies and graveolent fly-blown vilenesses I now must count myself squashed, squelched, battered, shattered, mown down and blast by so condemnatory a comparison! Of course I don't fucking write like that. Do I?*
One post was judged to ressemble the style of Stephen King, another to that of Ray Bradbury - why do I get compared to horror writers? - and another, truly shamingly, was compared to Dan Brown. Dan fucking Brown... the humiliation. I might delete that post. I also got compared to David Foster Wallace, of whom I am sorry to say I had never heard, so I don't know if I should be chuffed or pissed off about that.
Still, I was not compared to Barbara Cartland or Enid Blyton, so I won't get too down about this, as at least I do not stand before you denounced for pallor and wershness of savour, a void of gustatory gratification, tepidity of blood, benumbed and ascintillate wanness...
*No. Computer says that paragraph was written by Daniel Defoe. It decided that the paragraph from Lovecraft was written in the style of Kurt Vonnegut. It's obviously early days.