Wednesday, 3 December 2008

Variations on a Theme



Last night I beheld the umpteenth variation on the classic teacher’s dream. Basic recipe and a few optional extras: you confront - no other word will do - a class, and find you have no idea why you are there. You might possibly have no trousers on, or you might detect sneering and contempt from the students, who know a lot more than you do about the matter at hand, for you know precisely nothing. Maybe you are performing like a real trooper but failing to engage any member of an icily unreceptive or openly contemptuous group. The key ingredient in the whole sickly cocktail is your humiliation at being unmasked; you were only ever blagging your way through your teaching career, and now it's common knowledge. You are like, totally pwned.

Last night’s version: I have a seminar to conduct about… something or other. I am not expecting anyone to show up, indeed hopeful nobody will, but in the event about thirty students arrive. I stand in front of the class and realise I know absolutely nothing about the subject I am supposed to be teaching. The show must go on, however, so I start busking with a language game, until the students start to get restive and cotton on to the fact that the Emperor is bollock naked. Eventually I throw a fit, push over the overhead projector, storm out of the classroom and lie down in the hallway outside with my thumb in my mouth.

5 comments:

Bo said...

We have almost exactly the same taste in music. I have all those albums and also play them all the time.

vilges suola said...

Well, you know what they say about great minds! Although yours is definitely the greater here.

I don't know anyone else who has heard of Mari Boine. I toyed with the idea of learning some North Sami but there is no material available outside Scandinavia as far as I know. I know the words to most of the songs, though. I actually find vocab hard to forget.

Bo said...

Yes!! Me too. In one ear, and er, that's it. (PS 'Greater mind' - hardly)

Anonymous said...

Hmmmm, I have similar dreams / nightmares though not about teaching. They usually involve scary people from the past but the end result is always the same - can't find a way out of the building I'm in, can't find the kids, have no clothes, no money and my only way to escape is to either jump off the top of the building or off a cliff. Pyschoanalysis welcome !!!!!!

Mac :-)

vilges suola said...

When I get to Klamata in Spring I'll sort you out...

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