Sunday, 14 December 2008

God hates Father Christmas



I am not alone with my grumpiness about Christmas, but follow the next link and see how the peculiar people of the Westboro Baptist Church take this dislike a bit far. As my grandma used to put it, there’s shiteing, and there’s riving your arse. Christmas might give you dyspepsia from an excess of Quality Street and Matchmakers, or a burst blood vessel or two from fuming at the patronising, moronic hogwash on the telly, but send you to Hell? Steady on.

The WBC are inspired, if that is the correct word, by Calvin, the gloomy religious one, unfortunately, rather than the underpants man. Bo, over at The Cantos of Mvtabilitie , gives a succinct description of Calvin's rebarbative theology. Perhaps not everyone who subscribes to this view of the relationship of man to God is as barking as the crew of WBC, but it is hard to imagine that they would be quite as gloatingly cheerful about it.

I have had the Westboro Baptist Church website in my bookmarks for a while now and check in every so often, to marvel. Just when you think they can’t get loopier, they go right ahead and get loopier. They are convinced that homosexuals rile God more than anything or anyone else on Earth, and that male-to-male sex is thus responsible for every ill that afflicts humanity, rather than a compensation for them, which is my own view. They write gleeful, thumb-nosing songs about the hell and damnation whither all but they are surely headed. They travel round the USA, holding insane pickets of events they believe bring down or demonstrate God's hatred of this world: soldiers’ funerals, Catholic conventions, Gay Pride events and the sale of Swedish vacuum cleaners. They are utterly, completely, totally bat-shit crazy and then some. What a pity that all that energy and zeal should be directed into an enterprise of such bleakness and ugliness, and that those little kids cannot be air-lifted to sanity.

*****

Why does God hate Swedish vacuum cleaners? Well, in 2005 Pastor Åke Green of Borgholm delivered a sermon in which he characterised homosexuality as 'a horrible cancerous tumor in the body of society'. He was sentenced to a month in clink for inciting hatred, but he appealed and got off. His sermon's hyperbole commended itself to Fred Phelps of the WBC, who thought he recognised a kindred spirit, and the quashing of Green's sentence gave Ol' Fred an excuse to denounce the Swedes as lost to shame. Green would have no truck with Fred, however, and described Fred's pronouncements on fags as 'very unpleasant', which shows that Green can be moderate when he wants to be. In a nice example of righteous having-your-cake-and-eating-it, Green concluded his sermon on the horrible cancerous tumor that is us gay men and women with the pious 'we cannot condemn these people — Jesus never did that either. He showed everyone He met deep respect for the person they were (...) Jesus never belittled anyone.'

All of this goes to prove conclusively that God hates Sweden, and so WBC pickets outlets that sell Swedish-made vacs, those ambassadors of filth that masquerade as agents of cleanliness.

1 comment:

Argentum Vulgaris said...

Those Westboro Whackos are stupendously cracked. I am putting a youtube reference on my blog about that.

AV

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